Amazing Grace
Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or, as our brothers in the South call you: Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to thank you for my family, my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons Walker and Texas Ranger, of T.R., as we call him, and of course my red-hot smoking wife, Carley, who is a stone-cold fox…
Cal Naughton, Jr.: … Mmm…
Ricky Bobby: … who if you would rate her ass on a 100, it would easily be a 94. Also wanna thank you for my best friend, Cal Naughton Jr., who’s got my back no matter what.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake and bake.
Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife’s father, Chip. We hope that you can use your baby Jesus Powers to heal him and his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it. Dear tiny infant Jesus, we —
Carley: Hey, you know, Sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don’t always have to call him „baby“. It’s a bit odd and off-puttin‘ to pray to a baby.
Ricky: Well, look, I like the christmas-Jesus best and I’m saying grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grownup Jesus, teenage Jesus, bearded Jesus, whoever you want.
Carley: You know what I want? I want you to do this grace good, so that God will let us win tomorrow.
Ricky Bobby: Dear tiny Jesus in your golden-fleece diapers, with your tiny, little, fat, balled-up fists, pawing at the air.
Chip: He was a MAN… He had a BEARD!
Ricky Bobby: Look: I like the baby version best, do you hear me? I win the races and I get the money.
Carley: Ricky, finish the damn grace.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt, ‚cause it says, like: „I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party, too.“ Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
Walker: I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles‘ wings, and singin‘ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk!
Carley: Hey Cal, why don’t you just shut up.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yes, ma’am.
Ricky Bobby: Okay. Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent, we just thank you for all the races I’ve won and the 21.2 million dollars, wooh!
Carley: Wooh!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Wooh!
Walker and Texas Ranger: Ahh!
Ricky Bobby: Love that money! That I have accrued over this past season. Also, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention Powerade at each grace, I just wanna say that Powerade is delicious, and it cools you off on a hot summer day. And we look forward to Powerade’s release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry. Thank you, for all your power and your grace, dear baby God, Amen.
[Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, USA 2006, Regie: Adam McKay]